Monday, December 14, 2009

Special Edition Jersey Shore Recap #2

Recap #2, courtesy of B-WOWW:

Before we start, I'd like to address an issue that several people who were born and raised in New Jersey have said in regard to the show. They don't think it's fair to make fun of people from Jersey since most of these people on show are actually from New York. I disagree and here's why...your state is their Mecca. They're life goal is to end up at the Jersey shore. They treat that place like it's the island from Lost, as if it lives and breathes and will solve all their problems. If you create a safe zone for these people your state deserves to be ridiculed. Polygamy has been outlawed in the U.S. for almost 150 years yet we still make fun of Utah. Sorry, but you create utopia for people like that, you can't complain.

Onto the quick hits. Here are the highlights and lowlights (mainly lowlights) from last night's Jersey Shore.

And Then Their Were None: Couples didn't fare so well this week, as JWoww confessed her indiscretion to Tommy, Angelina and Apparently-Married-Guy ended what I can only imagine was the world's most obnoxious relationship, and Sammi and Ronnie have their first fight (on their first day as being a couple). Seriously, if you offered an over/under of 1.5 weeks from the time the cast moved in until they broke up with their significant others you'd have to take the under right?

Seriously Though: If you're these girls' boyfriends, did you really think your love would survive through this show. I mean really? Really?

Pack Your Suitcase Angelina: More like your trashbags, but regardless, you're time is up on the shore.

Really Setting the Life Goals High: Ronnie to Sammi: "Honestly I thought the Shore House was the best thing to happen to me, but you are"...

On Second Thought...: Ronnie shows his awful dance moves to some blond chick (who looked as if life had clearly given up on her). In retaliation, Sammi hits on a cop friend of hers, and Ronnie storms out of the bar in protest.

In Case You Missed it: The situation was totally searching for buried treasure in that same blond woman's mouth with his tongue

Just Wondering: Is JWoww's hair vomitting blond?

Hey, One of You Doesn't Belong: An ad for a pregnancy test, an ad about sexting, an ad for a company that performs background checks...and an ad for Invictus.

Speaking of Invicitus: How many people on the Jersey Shore could name Nelson Mandela...or locate South Africa on a map...or locate Africa on a map.

I'm Not Holding my Breathe Waiting for the Answer: Will JWoww and her boyfriend get back together?

Remember, Death is Not an Option: Waking up and seeing JWoww sans makeup or waking up and seeing Pauly D's bed head...

I Know it's not Fight Club, but: Ronnie said Rule #1 of the Shore is never fall in love. I mean, come on guy, it hasn't even been a week!

Definition of Class Continued: Dating a man who is not quite divorced

Something Else I'm not Holding my Breathe for the Answer: Will JWoww see Pauly D's penis ring again?

Guido Rule?: My girlfriend Grace asked a great question: "Does Ronnie even have a shirt"? BTW, before he put his other foot in the house after his fight with Sammi, Ronnie's shirt came off.

Don't Forget She Does Great Things: Angelina refuses to talk to her boss/landlord after she skips work, which leads to her getting fired/kicked out. I've seen toddlers and retarded monkeys handle situations better. Can you even imagine what the mediocre things are that she does?

You Might Not be Hot if: You're a female...grinding on another an empty bar...and middle aged men...look repulsed. Just sayin Snookers...

Then Again: That's why God invented alcohol and hot tubs, right Situation?

Didn't Hold my Breathe Waiting for the Answer, Still Didn't Care when I Found Out: Angelina and her bf did not get back together

Remember, Only 13 More Shopping Days Until Christmas: Who wouldn't want the National Pimp Association (NPA) t-shirt prominently featured behind Angelina and the store manager as they were fighting?

Don't Throw Stones in Glass Houses: Turns out Angelina found herself in The Situation on more than one occassion before the show started taping. Well, in fairness, it was the other way around, but that's really just semantics...

Wolf Blitzer, Take Notes: Props to Julissa (or whatever her name was) for pointing out Angelina was a bit hypocritical for cockblocking the boys with their whores, when she in turn practices whorish behavior herself with a married man. If cable news were like this, I'd watch more.

Next week, Snookie takes one in the face, and the guy who does it loses his job for punching a woman (if he hasn't already). You gotta love reality TV...

1 comment:

  1. I can't believe you sort have a connection (in a 6 degrees of separartion kind of way) to the guy who punched Snookie!