I'll start off by saying that my friend B (in this case now deemed "B-WOWW") is probably one of the best at recapping shows - his sense of humor and attention to the randomest details, not to mention our general alignment of shows that we watch, makes for a great combo to say the least. He has started to recap Jersey Shore episodes via e-mails and I'm happy to share the awesomeness with you all. Here is Recap #1 of Jersey Shore from B-WOWW, haa:
Here's the situation. There are defining moments in our lives. Moments we always remember and will talk about to others. In some situations, it's a tragedy like Pearl Harbor or 9/11. In other situations, it's something happy like landing on the moon or beating the Soviets in hockey (USA! USA!). I think the premiere of Jersey Shore is one of those situations. MTV has always set the bar low. I mean, this is the network that gave us such quality entertainment as "16 and Pregnant", "My Super Sweet Sixteen", "I Want to be You", and of course "Teen Moms" (hey kids, get pregnant and you can be on TV, keep the baby and you can be on again!). Somehow, they managed to top all of thse though with Jersey Shore. This show found the sleaziest of people (New Jersey and non-Manhattan New Yorkers), and put them in a Real World style situation in a place where they only say m-o-r-a-l because they're saying the word immoral. I think you get an STD just watching this show. Anyway, here are some quick-hits from last night's two hour extraveganza.
The Situation, Definition of Classy: Not getting nude in a hot tub, or doing anything with your male roommates...on the first two days.
The Situation, Would you Rather: Be JWoww's boyfriend or Angelina's boyfriend
The Situation, a Reason for Hope: Pauly D is 29! The MTV rule of "no one over 24" is done! We can all still be on an MTV show apparently! That Barack Obama was right, all you need is hope...
The Situation, More on the Definition of Classy: Thong bikini in a hot tub? OK. Thong underwear and a bra in same hot tub? N-O!
The Situation: Dumbest. Nickname. Ever. Somewhere Vinnie "the Microwave" Johnson is sulking about becoming runner up.
The Situation, Remember, Death is not an Option: Having Snooki place a 911 call for you, or being the guy who purchases the hot tub once production shuts down.
The Situation, Apparently Not Part of the Definition of Classy: Letting a complete stranger grab your ass, and possibly make out with him...while you have a boyfriend.
The Situation, Biggest Surprise: Pink Eye was the first diagnosed disease?
The Situation, Biggest non-Surprise: Pauly D has a cockring
The Situation, I Think You Missed the Point: On Day 3, Snooki said she learned to grow up...and then she said she's ready to party, meet sexy guidos, and fuckin be single.
The Situation, I Think You Also Missed the Point: Angelina: "I'm a bartender, I do like...great things.
The Situation, Can't Wait to See You in Jersey Shore Season 2: Kenny from the Real World/Road Rules Challenges
The Situation, for the Jersey Shore Men, and Remember, Death is Not an Option: Pick an item to lose for life...hair gel or protein powder
The Situation, Judge Not Lest Ye Be Judged: Pauly D found Angelina's trash bag suticase ghetto...this from a guy who does his hair for 25 minutes everyday.
The Situation, Apparently Also Not Part of the Definition of Classy: Hooking up with two roommates...on the same night.
The Situation, Second Biggest Surprise: One of them owns a Bible?
The Situation, an Epiphany: I just got why MTV makes 16 and Pregnant and Teen Moms...its a breeding ground for future shows. Once the parents (and the children as well) become legal, they can end up on the future Jersey Shores!
The Situation, Place I'd Actually like to Visit if it weren't for the People: The Jersey Shore
The Situation, Biggest Surprise Non-Jersey Shore Moment (of Today): Some woman is crying on the news because the DC Zoo has to give one of its pandas back to China. Really? It's a panda...maybe if you're crying over a panda you should take a step back a realize your life must be pretty fucking good because you obviously don't have real problems.
The Situation, What's that Sound You Hear?: Yeah, it's society vomitting.