Monday, December 21, 2009

Special Edition Jersey Shore Recap #3

Not even 24 hour turnaround time on the recap, nice job B-WOWW:

Here are the quick hits from an otherwise bland episode of Jersey Shore (excluding that whole punching a girl in the face thing):

Responsibility:  MTV felt it would be inappropriate to show Snooki getting jacked in the face during the show...however it's cool to promo the shit out of that same sequence for a whole month before.

Even More Responsible:  Putting a 30 second ad up at the end of the show discouraging violence against women...followed by a preview where JWoww punches out another girl.

I Immediately Regret this Decision:  Ron (aka Russ)'s face when Snooki said they could watch the sunrise from the beach.

I Also Regret this Decision:  The poor girl who was with Pauly D on the first night.  Not only did her giant ass get exposed on television (Personally, I covered my face when they showed her in her underwear), but Pauly D lets the world know she's having her period.

And Remember, Death is not an Option:  Having your friend sabotage a hookup, or waking up the next day and realizing that hookup would have been with The Situation?

Looks Like You've Got Some More Work to do:  Snooki's version of growing up includes showing the world her crotch while doing reverse handsprings on a dance floor.

Bumper Sticker I'd love to see: "It Doesn't Matter if my Child was an Honor Student, because They Ended up on Jersey Shore"

Wait, are we Regretting Decisions?  Me too:  Getting called a "grenade" from the cast of the Jersey Shore is just demoralizing...

Just Asking:  Then again, who got stuck with the grenade, Pauly D or the girl who had to hang out with him?

Really Not Asking:  Situation please clarify, was it gym, tanning, haircut or haircut, tanning, gym?

Also Not asking:  So you bang the ground on the dance floor because...

So Much for Leaving it Up to the Imagination:  JWoww wears outfits that would make porn stars blush.

What Could Have Been:  "Kids, I knew I loved your dad when I saw my roommate's penis ring and felt guilty"...

Signs Your Relationship was Destined to Fail:  It was house music, it wasn't sexual.

Signs Your Better off Letting it Fail:  If your girlfriend is "battling" on the dance floor.
Do you Hear Crickets Chirping?:  Ronnie and Sammi...turns out true love doesn't necessarily happen after two weeks.

Someone has to Care, Right?  Right?:  Ronnie says something about Sammi being part of his he knows how to do math.

Sex for Real Dummies:  "Jacuzzi, Bedroom, Business"

In conclusion, the Jersey Shore:  Snooki's Mom:  "Looks Dirty to Me".  Snooki:  "It's the Jersey Shore".

Or Maybe this is the Conclusion:  "Mike would bang a Gatorade bottle at this point"

No Wait, Now in Conclusion..:  Couple should only fight when the man is sleeping only in a towel, and the woman is taking her hair extensions out.


  1. I feel so bad for the grenade! Haha!

  2. Not even 24 hours? Doesn't Bwow have finals or something?