Sniff sniff... it's come to an end, my friends. Here's B-WOWW with a recap of the Jersey Shore finale:
Apologies for not producing a Jersey Shore recap from hour 2 last week, but much like the Shore, one minute you're recapping, the next, jail. I'm very sad, but here is the Jersey Shore Finale recap. Hopefully they really will get that shore house next year...
(Editors Note: Too much happens when they have two hours of JShore, so there will be a Reunion recap next week, I promise this time.)
With Friends Like These, Who Needs Enemies: Everyone knows Ronnie can be bailed out at 6:30, yet everyone sleeps in.
What's Plan B?: Snooki, do not call 911 to get information on bailing out Ronnie.
I'm Sensing an Anti-Semite Theme: First Pauly D, now Vinny making Israeli jokes...if Danielle wasn't so bat shit crazy this would be offensive.
This Puts You Over Home Plate??: Spending the night in prison makes Ronnie feel like a lowlife degenerate...unlike the steroids, the Ed Hardy t-shirts, the gallon of gel in his hair...
Then Again: Ronnie doesn't regret the punch that landed him in jail, so maybe that lowlife and degenerate thing is an either/or situation.
Four Words I Never Imagined Together: Hot Tub Time Machine
Sentences I'd Avoid When Asking a Guy Out: "Give me a call when you get this, or I'll call you like a stalker"
Hey Alanis, Isn't it Ironic: Snookers was destined to end up dancing on the Boardwalk...I just figured it would be for money.
Hey, At Least Your Ex-boyfriend didn't See that: Oh...awkward.
It Could Have Been Worse: At least you didn't lose a reliably Democratic Senate seat.
Hey Ronnie, Need a Cellmate: If she looks young Mr. Situation, always ask for ID. I don't care how large her ass is.
In Case You Can't Afford Hot Tub Time Machine: The Pregnancy Pact...this Saturday on Lifetime. Seriously.
Like Aristotle...with a blowout and a fake tan: "We've stayed boys throughout this whole thing. This bond that we share brings us together, and no one can take that from us ever. Like we take that with us forever, that bond". If that was as deep as Pauly D gets, I'm lighting myself on fire.
Maybe They Measure These Things in Dog Years: Here's the thing Pauly D, you were there for like 5 weeks. I hope you three can stay boys for the entire time. This goes for you too Snookers for still being in love with your ex-boyfriend of 8 months that you were dating in high school.
Back to that Fool Me Once, Shame on Me Thing: JWoww doesn't want Tommy to visit because she see a bunch of "gorilla juiceheads" on the beach.
Snooki, Please Explain What a Juicehead is?: "A juicehead is a hot, Italia..." Sorry to interrupt you there Snicks, but I was just kidding. We don't care.
More Reasons to Light Myself on Fire: "I don't see any fucking guido juice heads. You woke me up for nothing."
Nothing Like a Romantic Night on the Town: In your best t-shirt, with your girlfriend in shorts...that stop at her labia.
Dumbest Relationship Defining Conversation Ever?: No seriously, I honestly wasn't listening for that segment. Was it the dumbest DTR ever?
Uh. Huh.: The Situation on being picked on: "Nothing bothers me".
Vinnie Chipping in as Immanuel Kant: "Pauly ain't getting a date, I don't feel bad because he's ridiculously ridiculously good looking"
Like a Scene Out of a Horror Movie: Snooki, don't take your top off in the jacuzzi when you're drunk and vulnerable. You know the Situation is in there just waiting to prey on you!
Like the Ghostbusters and Crossing Streams, it's Just Not Supposed to Happen: Wait a minute, you two can't...back up! No, don't kiss! My eyes...they burn. Must gouge them out to stop seeing this...
There's nothing better than stupid people saying saying goodbye: Whether it's the Situation saying he ran the house (false), Snooki saying she grew up because of the experience (definitely false), or JWoww saying in 20 or 30 years she'll be really glad she did this show (er...that one's probably true), I think we can all agree people like this always need to be on TV. Who's Ready for the Real Housewives of NJ?
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